meaning and existence
by hikariu
Summary: Mikan Sakura had always depended upon one person to explain things she could not understand. So, how could a phrase be any different from all the other questions she'd previously asked?


Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice and neither the phrase used in this fiction. Thanks for René Descartes.

Summary: Mikan Sakura had always depended upon one person to explain things she could not understand. So, how could a phrase be any different from all the other questions she'd previously asked?

**Meaning and Existence**

There is a lot to be learned in life. Man, from the very beginning of his existence, had always been curious about the world he lives in, the things he perceives and about his self. That's why there are always the age old questions and the books and other records which show curious people's answer to such questions.

But there are instances when answers are not sought in written knowledge. Admittedly, there are times when consulting such things are tedious and requires discernment and an open-mind. That's when we seek advice from those who we think are more knowledgeable than we are, the more experienced. We turn to our friends, authorities, associates and acquaintances for answers or at least, an insight.

This kind of situation is constantly experienced by all of us. When others ask such lines similar to "What do you think?" or "Any thoughts about…" and now, that is the current situation the Black Cat is experiencing.

"Nee, what do you think does the phrase: 'cogito ergo sum' means?"

Mikan had asked that question at their usual hangout, the particular Sakura tree. Before she actually did ask him, he had already noticed that his partner isn't acting like she usually did. She has always been a loud mouth who talked incessantly about her friends – especially her _best friend_, her so-called father whom Natsume thinks as gay, her kind upper classmen, or any thing else under the sun. Polka just sat there, staring into nothing with a weird expression crossing her face. She sometimes scowled at her hand or something clutched by her hand or sighs and stares blankly ahead. After 20 minutes looking like that, by which Natsume almost asked her what's bothering her, she spoke up with such a question.

"Why are you suddenly asking me that?" he finally answered looking really irritated, to think that he was even worried that she wasn't as cheerful as she frequently is. Left unnoticed was the sigh of relief that had escaped his mouth.

"I just don't know what this mean and I tried asking everyone else but they were all too busy to explain the meaning of this phrase. Hotaru even threatened me with her baka gun while telling me that I should 'bother somebody else – preferably someone with too much free time to spare.'" She answered, perfectly ignoring the annoyance evident on his face.

_...and just by sheer luck, you found me._ "And where the heck did you see that phrase?"

"I found it from a strip of paper lying around." She happily answered as if that was a common incident.

_Great! She just found that phrase on a piece of trash and now she's bothering me just because of it._ He rolled her eyes but didn't voice out his thought. The Black Cat then continued reading his manga, as if she didn't ask anything at all. He should have known that that wouldn't work on an idiot like her. She can't even take a clue, much less the blatant disregard for her presence.

"So, what does it mean?"

...

"Is it just mixed up letters with no sense at all? Or does this phrase have some kind of hidden meaning that one must solve prior to understanding it?" She's beginning to have a head ache. That's such a long and complicated phrase for her to say.

...

"Are you listening to me?" Mikan then asked when she finally realized that her partner isn't responding.

...

"Hey, answer me," She then grabbed the manga from his hands.

"Can't you see I'm busy? Why don't you bother someone else?" he irritated reached for his manga but she just placed it farther from his reach. "What do you think are you doing?"

"I won't hand this over until you answer my question," she stubbornly answered giving the irritated guy a grin. "You know, I would just keep on bothering you unless you answer my question."

Natsume glared at her while fighting the urge to burn her though they both knew he couldn't. _Damn, nullification alice. _But he did know that the shortest route for this wearisome girl to stop bothering him is to yield. "Sigh. It's just so troublesome. Why the heck are you so stupid that you can't seem to understand even a very simple phrase like this?"

"Well, excuse my stupidity." She retorted, giving him a pout. "I—"

"Anyway," he butted in before she further wastes his time, "this phrase, when roughly translated, would be: 'I think; therefore, I am [or exist]' in English. It means that though one person is not sure whether the things around him are real or not, he is sure that an 'I' exists. He is sure that he, himself, exists and anything outside the 'I' is controlled by the 'I'," he looked at his suddenly silent companion along with a smirk forming on his lips. "Don't tell me – even that kind of explanation is a little too complicated for you?"

She reddened for it was as he said it was. "How rude!" She tried to defend herself. "I-I was merely trying to think of an example of what you just said!"

"Hn, whatever," he said dismissively though the smirk was still on his lips. "I would rather give you the example rather than wait for an eternity." He added which earned him another glare from her.

He suppressed a smile and looked at the clear sky overhead. "Let's just say that this world is not real. Everything and everyone around you is not real. We are just a figment of your imagination, so to speak. The only thing which you can be sure of is that 'you' exist. A stupid girl who wears idiotic and childish underwear exists but everything else aside from her is just a part of her dream. One day, you would wake up and realize that everything was just a dream."

"Isn't that scary to be unable to determine which is real and which is not?" she finally asked him after a few moments.

"That is quite true but there is only one real thing and that is _you_. Did you ever have the thought that the things happening around you is a dream and sometime or another you would just suddenly wake up?" He then returned the question back at her.

"I did have thought of that once or twice but..." she was not able to continue because the meaning of the phrase is starting to sink into her and she didn't like it.

"But, what?" He asked though he sensed something wrong with the way she spoke. He turned and gazed intently at the girl. He wasn't sure what to say because she suddenly wore a very serious expression on her face.

"Now I'm thinking", she started to say though she looked as if she's struggling with something within her. Natsume bit the sarcastic comment that he was about to say, _I mean, her? Thinking? That's two things not to be said in the same sentence if one is sane enough._ "What if... what if the things that you have just said were true? What would I do if I suddenly wake up and realize that everyone were just part of a dream? What if—"

"Then aren't you glad that you were able to meet everyone you know?" he suddenly answered impatiently, "even though it was all just a dream or even with the prospect of everything being unreal?"

She looked unsure although she saw the confidence and irritation in his eyes. "But—"

"You, as your usual stupid self, would have said that you would still be glad to have meet everyone you hold dear, reality or not." He added and then looked away, _God, saying those cheesy things irk him the most but..._ "I, for one, am glad to have met someone like you." He whispered though she still heard what he said.

"Natsume", she whispered gazing intently at his ruby orbs; an intense moment when unspoken feelings flooded unexpectedly. A gentle breeze surrounded them, as if enfolding the two of them in their own little world.

He then opened his mouth, "Mi—"

"What do you mean by that?" she butted in, asking innocently, sweetly. "The last thing you just said. What does that mean?"

He then closed his mouth, the intended words left unsaid. His lips curved into a familiar smirk. Mikan's intuition suddenly picked up. "Id-i-ot", he answered and grabbed his manga from her hands. He then walked away before she could realize what had just happened.

"Huh?" she stared blankly at his retreating figure.

"Anyway," he then added looking back at her gaping face, "polka, don't stare off to space like that. You're stupidity becomes more evident." Natsume then gave her a smirk before leaving. He should have known that she won't be able to understand his words. The Black Cat sighed and an ironic smile on his face, _I wonder if I should be happy about that or not_.

At last, her mind understood what he said. "What do you mean by that?" She glared at his retreating figure, unable to comprehend the complex thing called 'Natsume'.

"But, yeah," she smiled silently thanking the guy for his effort in explaining something she just got from somewhere. "I think I would still be happy meeting everyone and you, too."

The End

I concede that Natsume is out of character, being chatty and all.

I just found it weird for a manga or anime character to muse about being just a figment of someone's imagination, or maybe _I'm_ crazy to ponder that _they_ would even think… they are, after all, just drawn fiction characters with characteristics similar to living people. But our ability to understand and appreciate fiction is dependent upon these stories being related to our daily lives – to _us_ in a personal, if not emotional, level.

Thanks for reading another one which is full of nonsense and other things. A review would be much appreciated.


End file.
